Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Church Blog Down

After spending most of Monday putting up my new blog about my new church, I have destroyed it. The reason I put it up at all is that there's sort of a policy against flogging dead horses. The problem is, I always think the horse is viable. So I thought this would be a good way to lay off the priests and get my frustrations out in the open. But after a nap, I realized that I didn't want to do this. It's kind of like when my little brother and I went to school together. He was in the first grade, and I was in the fifth. At home, we would terrorize each other no end, but when we got on that bus, Chris sat with me. And I wouldn't have let anyone mess with him. So while I may disagree with some things about my church, it's my church, and I don't want to knock it. It makes me feel good, not that you could tell it so far. I've cursed (f word, which I'm not sure is permissible on the blogs) at a priest in an e-mail, and Sunday I had another sort of meltdown. Unexpectedly, I burst into tears and neither love nor Valium could make it stop. My best friend is dying, and I don't have a spare. But that's a lot of what drove me to church. If it's a psychological crutch, then I sure as hell need one. I need a psychological Jazzy Chair. So all you Zen people out there, lay off me. I'm an emotional time bomb.

It's going to be a long time. I'm running out of people to lose.

4 comments:

ThomasLB said...

I'm sorry you're going through rough times.

Snark said...

Thanks, Thomas. You've been a real source of comfort since I began the blogging in February. It's always nice to know someone cares, even if they can't fix things.

diddums said...

It's funny how 'sleeping on it' makes us feel differently about something we're trying to say or do, or just otherwise not really thinking about it; just living with its presence in the background. I confuse myself this way, as I decide I don't want to write a certain blog post, then I go and read it over, and it doesn't seem as bad or as significant as all that. Sometimes I think 'sleeping on it' gives the wrong answer (not to go ahead with something), but at other times it's the right one in terms of living with it and staying comfortable.

... sorry, long ramble. :-)

Here's hoping the time bomb defuses itself soon.

Snark said...

"When you're up, you're really up, and when you're down, you really got no choice." -- Joan Baez, Miracles